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World Exclusive Posh Spice and David Beckham have just announced that they won't go to court to get some 2,000 words removed from a book about them by Andrew Morton (you know, that bloke that did the crap book on Diana). Apparently, Morton was given the information by a former employee of the Beckhams who had signed a non-disclosure agreement.
When we heard, we determined to find the words and post them on the Internet, thereby handily ruining the crap publicity machine behind Morton. Using the vulture guile, we found them - and were surprised that the extracts deal with some of the topics that the couple are most famous for. Here are the highlights:
The World Cup kicking saga
[David was sent off for kicking another player after a tackle. He was promptly demonised by football fans]
Posh: You were dead silly, you know, when you kicked that another man.
Becks: I know, babe, I know. I just got angry.
Posh: Oh, my little soldier [ruffles hair]
The first solo single and efforts to get it to number one
[Posh's first solo single You're out of your mind (at least we think it was her singing - hard to tell) was going head to head with Spiller for the number one slot]
Becks: [returning home from town] Hi babe.
Posh: Did you get them?
Becks: Course babe.
Posh: Where are they?
Becks: In the boot, babe.
[Posh opens car boot to reveal 60,000 copies of Spiller single Groovejet]
Posh: You've bought the wrong bloody ones David.
Posh: You've bought Spiller you idiot.
Becks: Well I knew how much you didn't want them in the shops this week so I took every single one out Woolworths, babe.
Posh: You stole them?
Becks: No, I bought them babe. Don't worry though, I've got enough money. Alex said last week he was going to give me another five grand a week.
Becks: Sorry, babe.
Christmas dinner at the Beckhams
Posh: Merry Christmas Davey, Merry Christmas Brooklyn
Becks: Happy Christmas babe. Nice one Brooklyn
Brooklyn: Ga ga.
Posh: What d'you get me? What d'you get me?
Becks: Under the tree, babe.
[Rushes off, grabs present, comes back and opens it]
Posh: What the hell is this?
Becks: A guitar, babe.
Posh: What the 'ell do I want wiv a guitar?
Becks: Well you said you was a musician, babe. And the man in the shop said a guitar was an instrument.
Posh: David! I don't play music. I pout.
Posh: Do you want to see what I got you?
Posh: I've got you a sarong from Gucci, a white T-shirt from Prada, a hat from Dolce&Gabanna, a jumper from Versace, a pair of pants from Ralph Lauren... [five minutes later]... a scarf from Kenzo, another sarong from Prada [etc etc].
Their first ever argument
[Sat watching a recording of that morning's This Morning with Richard and Judy]
Posh: This is the best bit.
Becks: I've already seen it twice, babe.
Posh: Look at this bit.
Becks: Babe, I'm hungry, you want some food?
Posh: Not now Davey
Becks: C'mon babe, you haven't eaten for three weeks and the next premiere's not til next month.
Posh: Okay, what would you like.
Becks: How about an Indian, babe?
Posh: What about Thai?
Becks: Nah, I like Indian.
Posh: Thai, Davey?
Becks: I like Indian, babe.
Posh: But I fancy a bit of Thai.
Becks: Indian, babe.
Posh: But I wanny wanny want Thai
Becks: Okay, we'll have Thai, babe.