Spinalot to bid for UK lottery

We promise to make it a complete dog's dinner

Following today's debacle over who should win the contract to provide the UK's national lottery, The Register has formed a new consortium in an eleventh hour bid to bring some sanity to the proceedings.

The hastily thrown-together [Surely 'highly-rated'? - Ed] consortium comprises The Register, SpinolaVista™ which will provide the IT infrastructure (Subject to conditions) and a number of very rich people who wish to remain anonymous.

The key to the Spinalot bid is to increase the number of rollovers for an indefinite period (or the duration of the contract) in a bid to increase user excitement.

"We want every man, woman and child in the UK to be driven into a blood frenzy," said Spinalot chairman Dr Augusto Spinola. "We want fighting in the streets, with our children at our feet, till the morals that we worship will be gone," he added.

When asked about money for good causes, Spinola replied:

"We're very concerned that punters' hard earned cash can be wasted on patently stupid projects such as the Millennium Dome, the Royal Opera House and a new national stadium in Wembley for some pathetic minority sport.

"Our vision is for a lottery that everyone can feel a part of, but in which only a few select individuals, who know how to deal with large sums of cash, actually benefit in real terms.

"Camelot is widely perceived as a bunch of fat cats who are failing to supply enough cash for good causes; Richard Branson's so-called People's Lottery promises to give everything to the needy. We see ourselves as taking the third way: we plan to keep everything for ourselves."

Industry watchers rated Spinalot's bid to have a real chance of winning the contract. ®

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