Not bad at all, but not quite good enough
To Gianmichael Di Lallo, for his truly heart rending story, the onbly reason this didn't win was that there was no lightning involved.
I deserve to win Kay Buena's motherboard because I feel that it may be the only thing that can save the ailing relationship I have with my computer. You see my computer has been a problem child ever since I brought it home. In the 2 years that we've been together it has crashed 5 times. When it is running it is temperamental and uncooperative. I have spent way to much time trying to get things to work properly. To keep it happy and running I've tried everything, I've brought it in for servicing, given it regular cleanings, decorated it's drab exterior and yes, I'm ashamed to say I've even hit it ( I have since been to anger management classes to help staunch my violent tendencies and I've thrown away my seal club lest the temptation be to great). Usually if all other methods fail I have resorted to talking dirty to it. Until recently this method would always get my machine to come around but ever since I moved to a new location our relationship has deteriorated to the point that I'm afraid to turn it on. It just isn't right. I think the problem stems from the fact that it doesn't respect me. It knows I need it and that although I sometimes hit I doubt it sees me as a genuine threat. So, if I were to have Kay Buena's board and was to show it to my machine and say "this is what happened to the last machine that got uppity with me" I'm sure that it'll recognize me a stern but fair owner that is not to be trifled with. At that point I'm hoping that things will get better between the two of us. So, please help me by giving me that board.
Sincerely Gianmichael Di Lallo
P.S. The board was originally shot as a symbolic gesture of humanity taking back the power. By giving me the board you will be enabling me to take back the power from my machine. So the principles and the body of thought that prompted that board to get shot in the first place will be preserved and restated. I believe in the power of Kay Buena's board!
Also, to Kirk Fort, who we have to admit we are a little worried about:
I deserve to win Kay Buena's motherboard because... I'm positive it
would help me get laid if I could hang it on the wall of my dorm room.