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Are 1GHz PCs just penis extensions?

What does the size of your hard drive say about your joystick?

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If you are wondering whether you have found Mr Right, rather than looking in his garage for a Ferrari or, heaven forbid, actually spending time with him, you should check out his hardware according to possibly the most ridiculous survey we have ever heard of.

"These days a PC can give as many clues about a person's personality as the car they drive or the clothes they wear," explained Sidney Crown, consultant psychologist. Which just goes to show you can get a psychologist to say just about anything.

Crown was commenting on research released by technology e-tail site BUY.com. "Mankind has always subconsciously used cultural signifiers such as clothes to give them an insight into anyone new they meet. Now we live in a technology age, this is extended to the gadgets we own and the mobile phones we use," he said.

This has got to be bad news for anyone with a one gig processor. These speed machines are clearly the penis extensions of the digital age, if this survey is to be believed.

The ideal man, in Bridget Jones terms, would probably still be using a Commodore 64 according to the survey. Men who have still held on their old clunky machines are far more likely to be in a stable and settled relationship.

iMac users are a superficial bunch, as we have long suspected, so steer clear. These men are only interested in your looks, not your personality. It turns out that 59 per cent of gumdrop owners thought beauty was only skin deep.

Apparently men who own lap tops are three times more likely to play the field than men with desktops, as 77 per cent of laptop owners confess that they are not ready to settle down. We didn't want to ask what it means if he is carrying a WAP phone...

Women, on the other hand, must either be inscrutable or still think that a computer is a typewriter with a shiny screen. The survey didn't mention the curvier sex at all. ®

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