Feeds

Are 1GHz PCs just penis extensions?

What does the size of your hard drive say about your joystick?

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

If you are wondering whether you have found Mr Right, rather than looking in his garage for a Ferrari or, heaven forbid, actually spending time with him, you should check out his hardware according to possibly the most ridiculous survey we have ever heard of.

"These days a PC can give as many clues about a person's personality as the car they drive or the clothes they wear," explained Sidney Crown, consultant psychologist. Which just goes to show you can get a psychologist to say just about anything.

Crown was commenting on research released by technology e-tail site BUY.com. "Mankind has always subconsciously used cultural signifiers such as clothes to give them an insight into anyone new they meet. Now we live in a technology age, this is extended to the gadgets we own and the mobile phones we use," he said.

This has got to be bad news for anyone with a one gig processor. These speed machines are clearly the penis extensions of the digital age, if this survey is to be believed.

The ideal man, in Bridget Jones terms, would probably still be using a Commodore 64 according to the survey. Men who have still held on their old clunky machines are far more likely to be in a stable and settled relationship.

iMac users are a superficial bunch, as we have long suspected, so steer clear. These men are only interested in your looks, not your personality. It turns out that 59 per cent of gumdrop owners thought beauty was only skin deep.

Apparently men who own lap tops are three times more likely to play the field than men with desktops, as 77 per cent of laptop owners confess that they are not ready to settle down. We didn't want to ask what it means if he is carrying a WAP phone...

Women, on the other hand, must either be inscrutable or still think that a computer is a typewriter with a shiny screen. The survey didn't mention the curvier sex at all. ®

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

More from The Register

next story
Bono apologises for iTunes album dump
Megalomania, generosity and FEAR of irrelevance drove group to Apple deal
Facebook, Apple: LADIES! Why not FREEZE your EGGS? It's on the company!
No biological clockwatching when you work in Silicon Valley
Doctor Who's Flatline: Cool monsters, yes, but utterly limp subplots
We know what the Doctor does, stop going on about it already
'Cowardly, venomous trolls' threatened with TWO-YEAR sentences for menacing posts
UK government: 'Taking a stand against a baying cyber-mob'
Happiness economics is bollocks. Oh, UK.gov just adopted it? Er ...
Opportunity doesn't knock; it costs us instead
Arab States make play for greater government control of the internet
Nerds told to get lost in last-minute power grab bid at UN meeting
Zippy one-liners, broken promises: Doctor Who on the Orient Express
Series finally hits stride, but Clara's U-turn is baffling
Don't bother telling people if you lose their data, say Euro bods
You read that right – with the proviso that it's encrypted
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.