In a moment of madness, the powers that be here at Vulture Central approved a vast branding exercise. Along with heavy demand for Reg shirts, T-shirts and caps came reader suggestions for other goods sporting the vulture logo.

So we ordered a catalogue from one of these companies that specialise in merchandise - everything from hair grips to loo rolls. And we ordered some mugs. Then we thought key fobs would be a good idea. So we ordered them too. Stick-on Reg tattoos seemed funny. Added them to the list. And, of course, the new design of BOFH T-shirts. What about stickers? And on she went.

Unfortunately, when sanity returned the next day and the full extent of our expenditure sank in, it became clear that due to cash flow considerations, if we didn't shift enough of the bloody things, costs would have to be cut back. Sadly, that means letting someone go.

Since Lucy is the youngest member of staff, it's only right that it is she who gets the boot. Lucy is a bright, attractive young lady with what was a promising future. But such are the harsh realities of business. If enough of you, our esteemed readers, don't buy the fine array of goods of offer, we will have no option but to kick Lucy into the street. We managed to catch a snap of her when she was told the bad news. BOFH T-shirts, you say? Quite right. We've got some artwork specially commissioned and we're gonna stick it on a T-shirt and give all you BOFH fanatics the chance to spread the word. Here it is. The T-shirts will be available soon.

And if that doesn't excite you, check out this cartoon by Dr Fun. You too could be head geek. ®

Pay a visit here for The Reg's full merchandise selection.