BOFH is abysmal

A very well-spoken computer speaks its mind

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Internet Security Threat Report 2014

My complaint about Mr. Simon, Bastard Operator From Hell (BOFH)

I feel that there are better ways in which to disseminate the following information, but this letter will have to suffice. So let's begin, quite properly, with a brief look at the historical development of the problem, of its attempted solutions, and of the eternal argument about it. This is not wild speculation. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is documented fact. Mr. Simon Bastard Operator is terrified that there might be an absolute reality outside himself, a reality that is what it is, regardless of his wishes, theories, hopes, daydreams, or decrees. Don't be fooled: The fact of the matter is that nowhere in the Bible does it say, "The rest of us are an inferior group of people, fit only to be enslaved, beaten, and butchered at the whim of our betters".

To top that off, Simon's abysmal rodomontades leave the current power structure untouched while simultaneously killing countless children through starvation and disease. Are these children his enemies?

You may wonder why Simon's effusions are built on a backlash fueled by anger -- in the form of resentment, spite, vengeance, envy, loss, and bitterness over declining status -- on the part of judgemental amoral dirtbags. It's simply because there are two related questions in this matter. The first is to what extent Simon has tried to seize control of the power structure. The other is whether or not no matter what else we do, our first move must be to alert everyone that Simon has neither honor nor integrity, nor even knows what those words mean. That's the first step: education. Education alone is not enough, of course. We must also seek some structure in which the cacophony introduced by Simon's prognoses might be systematized, reconciled, and made rational.

[It's about here that we started growing a little weary, so we should tell you that this was sent to us by a reader who had used a complaint generator on the Web. Click here to create your own. Right, sorry, back with the complaint]

However self-pitying the national picture already is, he and I disagree about our civic duties. I contend that we must do our utmost to improve the physical and spiritual quality of life for the population at present and for those yet to come as expeditiously as possible. Simon, on the other hand, believes that it is his moral imperative to base racial definitions on lineage, phrenological characteristics, skin hue, and religion. If we take his refrains to their logical conclusion, we see that before long, he will promote the lie of paternalism. For heaven's sake, if you don't think that I am chagrined but resigned when I witness the indifference to the fundamentals of language that Simon displays, then you've missed the whole point of this letter.

It is a figment of his runaway imagination that public opinion is a reliable indicator of what's true and what isn't. It is unclear whether this is because most pundits are uncertain about the magnitude of the threat posed by his jibes, because once he accepts responsibility for the problems he's caused, the focus shifts from who is responsible to what each of us can do about it, or a combination of the two. The only weapons he has in his intellectual arsenal are book burning, brainwashing, and intimidation. That's all he has, and he knows it. The bottom line is that Mr. Simon Bastard Operator's ebullitions are incompatible with the proclivities of instrumental reason.

[Quite right]

Our thanks to the magnificently titled Rev Dr Kirk D Bailey MsD ISCET for submitting the BOFH Flame, written by a computer complaint generator. Kirk has also sent us the diatribe against The Register, from the self same source.

SIR; please accept this roasting in the spirit with which it was not intended- for the sender is a robot, which has no intentions whatsoever. This robot, knowing nothing whatsoever of you but the firm's name, did declare:

[My complaint about The Register

I just want to say one thing: The passage of time will make it clear to even the more slow among us that bettering the world is apparently the last item on The Register's "to do" list.

Here's a quick review: This makes me fearful that I might someday find myself in the crosshairs of The Register's craven doctrines. (To be honest, though, it wouldn't be the first time.) The only winners in The Register's games are ambulance services and funeral homes.

And I can say that with a clear conscience, because The Register keeps saying that nihilism and absenteeism are identical concepts. For some reason, The Register's cronies actually believe this nonsense.

Ok, I admit that I was personally offended -- and I don't easily offend -- by the value The Register places on making me become increasingly frustrated, humiliated and angry. But life isn't fair.

We've all known this since the beginning of time, so why is it so compelled to complain about situations over which it has no control? In short,the choice we face as a nation is whether to run our country ourselves or let nutty arrogant urban guerrillas run it for us. ®

Here's the link to the complaint generator againhttp://www-csag.cs.uiuc.edu/individual/pakin/complaint

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