In recent issues, The Register has run salacious, ill-researched and, above all, space-filling stories about Scottish helicopter crashes.

We now wish to set the record straight.

At no time did we wish to cause distress to the families, friends and loved ones of well-respected professionals.

We wish to apologise unreservedly to Computer Weakly's Tony Collins for cruel and wanton attacks on his professional integrity.

In the light of new evidence that the pilots of the crashed Chinook were speaking on their mobile phones at the very moment of its impact into the Mull of Kintyre, we wish to apologise for wasting our, and our readers' time, in writing speculative stories about what caused this helicopter to crash in the twilight of the last century.

We eagerly await Mr Collins' admission that he has wasted six years (and several rainforests) pursuing this pointless exercise.

Oh, and we promise - NO MORE HELICOPTER STORIES.

Until the next time. ®