Cat faces jail for Net fraud

When we first read about Ziggy the stock-holding cat of ********* [sorry dotcom company name deleted for legal reasons - Ed] we thought it was just an unimaginative, pathetic PR attempt to get free publicity.

In fact, we were going to run it as "the world's worst press release" but so stiff was the competition that we thought maybe we'd to run it straight but without the dotcom's name. Then, finally, we decided it was so bad that the best thing to do would be to forget it had ever arrived.

But never turn your back on the devil, as, erm, some scarred man once said to someone in a film. Before we knew it, the IT fascists running the show at ZDNet, and Ananova had spread the filth (Ananova loved the story so much it did two pieces on it - serious). We also heard rumours that socialist heroes Slashdot may have been infiltrated and covered the "dot tom" (chuckle chuckle) news.

Why our attention? Why the overdone political theatrics? Because while we can all have a good laugh about the situation, this moggy is a low-down, no-good law-breaker. It is no better than that other fat cat, Robert Maxwell. But he's dead.

Ziggy, being feline, is not entitled to own shares. That's for us humans. It can be given some of the proceeds but only run through a trust. And trust's the thing. Would you trust a company that handed stocks and shares to dumb animals? Let me rephrase that. This is an illegal and subversive attempt to gain publicity and probably some kinda sneaky sneak tax thing too.

As such, we demand that Ziggy be tried and sentenced, ZDNet and Ananova hacks fired for encouraging the crime and the PR company prevented from ever working again. That's how the prosecution stands. ®