Feeds

Dr Spinola: My PC doesn't work: what shall I do?

We have the answers to those nagging questions

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Business security measures using SSL

PC Clinic Having trouble with your brand new machine or with the lovely application software that's cost you an arm and a leg? Our very own PC Doctor, Dr. Spinola, will guide you through the hardware morass.

Q I bought a new PC for Christmas and have noticed that the system freezes unexpectedly. What shall I do?

A This is a common problem. You can fix it by never switching the machine on, and instead take pleasure at its handsome appearance. It will also impress friends when you tell them you have a top of the range PC that cost around £1500. You don't have to tell them that it doesn't work.

Q I want to upgrade the memory on my PC by adding an extra 64MB. I have noticed that if you buy this in a shop, it will cost you twice as much as if you buy it over the Web. Why is this?

A We contacted a major memory distributor who sells both to stores and through the traditional reseller channel, and therefore to the Web. He had two sets of comments, one for public, and one for private consumption. "Retail stores have very high overheads and have to pay marketing costs and also take out very large adverts in the national press," he said. "They also have to spend a lot of time training their stuff to understand the technology." He added: "Retail stores are thieving bastards. You're far better off buying from the Internet because generally those people understand the technology, unlike the thieving bastards in retail stores who only want your money." We were left in the dark as to which version was for public and which for private consumption.

Q Every time I use Internet Explorer, I get this annoying click. Is there something wrong with my PC? How can I fix this? It's driving me round the bend.

A You'll be relieved to hear that you are not going round the bend. This is nothing to do with the state of your mind, and is probably caused by what we PC doctors call Death Watch Beetle in your rafters. This can be dangerous -- call Rentokil the first opportunity you get.

Q I've had this continual problem with a PC I bought just before Christmas. Every time I ring customer support, I'm left on hold to a Dutch number for sometimes as long as five weeks. I'm getting tired to listening to snatches of Mozart's Horn Concertos. Can you help?

A Thankfully, this is an easy problem to solve. If you go to a record store, you will find they have a range of different classical music in addition to Mozart. Buy a CD player and try different composers, then you won't have to waste so much time on the phone.

Q Someone has told me that I have a .25 micron Pentium III, rather than a .18 micron Pentium III and that this is a bad thing. What is the difference and what should I do about this?

A This is a question related to the thickness of a human hair, according to the manufacturer of these microprocessors, Intel. You should therefore consult a trichologist at the earliest possible opportunity. I can recommend one to you at a small charge, if you like. ®

Website security in corporate America

More from The Register

next story
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
The next step in data security
With recent increased privacy concerns and computers becoming more powerful, the chance of hackers being able to crack smaller-sized RSA keys increases.