Feeds

Dr Spinola: My PC doesn't work: what shall I do?

We have the answers to those nagging questions

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Gartner critical capabilities for enterprise endpoint backup

PC Clinic Having trouble with your brand new machine or with the lovely application software that's cost you an arm and a leg? Our very own PC Doctor, Dr. Spinola, will guide you through the hardware morass.

Q I bought a new PC for Christmas and have noticed that the system freezes unexpectedly. What shall I do?

A This is a common problem. You can fix it by never switching the machine on, and instead take pleasure at its handsome appearance. It will also impress friends when you tell them you have a top of the range PC that cost around £1500. You don't have to tell them that it doesn't work.

Q I want to upgrade the memory on my PC by adding an extra 64MB. I have noticed that if you buy this in a shop, it will cost you twice as much as if you buy it over the Web. Why is this?

A We contacted a major memory distributor who sells both to stores and through the traditional reseller channel, and therefore to the Web. He had two sets of comments, one for public, and one for private consumption. "Retail stores have very high overheads and have to pay marketing costs and also take out very large adverts in the national press," he said. "They also have to spend a lot of time training their stuff to understand the technology." He added: "Retail stores are thieving bastards. You're far better off buying from the Internet because generally those people understand the technology, unlike the thieving bastards in retail stores who only want your money." We were left in the dark as to which version was for public and which for private consumption.

Q Every time I use Internet Explorer, I get this annoying click. Is there something wrong with my PC? How can I fix this? It's driving me round the bend.

A You'll be relieved to hear that you are not going round the bend. This is nothing to do with the state of your mind, and is probably caused by what we PC doctors call Death Watch Beetle in your rafters. This can be dangerous -- call Rentokil the first opportunity you get.

Q I've had this continual problem with a PC I bought just before Christmas. Every time I ring customer support, I'm left on hold to a Dutch number for sometimes as long as five weeks. I'm getting tired to listening to snatches of Mozart's Horn Concertos. Can you help?

A Thankfully, this is an easy problem to solve. If you go to a record store, you will find they have a range of different classical music in addition to Mozart. Buy a CD player and try different composers, then you won't have to waste so much time on the phone.

Q Someone has told me that I have a .25 micron Pentium III, rather than a .18 micron Pentium III and that this is a bad thing. What is the difference and what should I do about this?

A This is a question related to the thickness of a human hair, according to the manufacturer of these microprocessors, Intel. You should therefore consult a trichologist at the earliest possible opportunity. I can recommend one to you at a small charge, if you like. ®

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE
Examining the frothy disconnect in indie cafe culture
Ex-Apple man Sam Sung - for it is he - sticks namebadge on eBay
Stump up via tat bazaar, do a good thing for ill kids
Check your Clungene, Irish women warned
Have a quick shufti, you may not be pregnant after all
prev story

Whitepapers

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup
IT departments are embracing cloud backup, but there’s a lot you need to know before choosing a service provider. Learn all the critical things you need to know.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.
Rethinking backup and recovery in the modern data center
Combining intelligence, operational analytics, and automation to enable efficient, data-driven IT organizations using the HP ABR approach.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.