Feeds

Ye cannae change the laws of physics, Jim

Dr Spinola boldly goes where no man has gone before – or does he?

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

The Essential Guide to IT Transformation

The world of marketing was in a spin today as scientists disproved the first law of PR - that a cause, or even a press release, must come before an effect. For in discovering a way to make light travel 300 times faster, they have effectively invented a time machine.

Boffins in Princeton, US, transmitted a pulse of light towards a chamber filled with caesium gas and were dumfounded to discover it had travelled right through the gas and 60 feet out the other side before it had completely entered the chamber; in effect, it existed in two places at once, or travelled in time.

Ignoring the obvious benefits of going back in time to shoot Hitler, Bill Gates, Margaret Thatcher or [insert name of your favourite tyrant here], faster than light space travel and the debunking of that charlatan Albert Einstein's life work, let's take a few moments to consider the real benefits the discovery will bring.

Press releases will be written after that embarrassing Q&A session at the product launch where cynical old hacks make the CEO - and, more seriously, the PR Manager - look like complete buffoons. Such a release, sent back in time, will contain statements completely deflating the arguments postulated by pompous journos who will have no choice but to write glowing reports of the event.

Chip companies will be able to launch flaky motherboards safe in the knowledge that if they fail, the launch material can be reworked and the faults will become a feature, which was announced at launch, or, even better, leaked to the press weeks earlier.

And scientists in Italy also claim to have broken the light barrier, saying they have managed to get microwaves to move 25 per cent faster than light - a major leap forward in getting that saddo lasagne for one cooked before you even take it out of the fridge.

In the wonderful world of semiconductors, faster than light front side buses will mean that the figure to strive for is no longer the 200MHz of Athlon, or even the 400MHz of Willamette, but - 1MHz, where signals leave the bus before they've entered it.

Now we know why Intel has stuck with 66MHz for Celeron for so long. ®

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
Thirteen Astonishing True Facts You Never Knew About SCREWS
Threaderick the Great! And YES, we asked the Arapaho
NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'
Spooks ask Dabbsy to suggest a nice hotel with pool
Russia sends SEX-CRAZED GECKOS to SPAAAAACE!
In space... no one can hear you're green...
Indian techies-in-training face down MAN-EATING LEOPARD - and WIN
Big cat causes big trouble at Mumbai college
Too rich for an iPhone 6? How about a gold-plated Brikk?
Not lobbed at your head, silly – a bling phone
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Backing up Big Data
Solving backup challenges and “protect everything from everywhere,” as we move into the era of big data management and the adoption of BYOD.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.