Feeds

Doctor Spinola's PC Clinic

This week: The Microsoft breakup

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Gartner critical capabilities for enterprise endpoint backup

Dear Dr Spinola, I am a small computer user and I'm very concerned at the breakup of Microsoft. What do you advise?

Dr Spinola replies: You shouldn't be overly concerned. Many users are shorter than average and my usual advice is to sit on a cushion so you can reach the desk in comfort.

Dear Dr Spinola, I too am a small computer user, although considerable taller than your previous interlocutor. All the software I use comes from Microsoft and I would like to know what effect the breakup will have on support and future software development.

Dr Spinola replies: Interlocutor, eh? You are obviously a cut above the usual run-of-the-mill deadbeats I have to put up with. As an educated person you should be able to figure out the answer to your question without any help from me. Kindly go away.

Dear Dr Spinola, I am a single mother with few educational qualifications and I would appreciate your advice. [That's more like it, Doc.] To make a little extra cash I type up people's letters and CVs and I am wondering what effect the Microsoft breakup will have on the development of an improved version of Word 3 for DOS.

Dr Spinola replies: I asked Bill Gates this very question only a few days ago and you can rest assured that the breakup will have absolutely no effect on the development of enhanced MSDOS applications.

Dear Dr Spinola, I have always wondered why a software company such as Microsoft makes an awful lot of hardware in the form of mice, keyboards, sound systems, joysticks and so on. Any ideas?

Dr Spinola replies: Many people and organisations diversify from their original core competencies - Elvis Presley moved into acting; Intel designed the i820 chipset; the US Government thought it could run the software industry better than the people who actually work in it; and, most tragically, Britney Spears took up singing.

Dear Dr Spinola, I have a friend who owns a large software company, could you advise him on what the best plan of action would be should a major government order its breakup to improve consumer choice? He is too shy to ask in person.

Dr Spinola replies: I assume your friend and his fellow directors are quite well off. My advice would be to sack all the staff and close down the whole company immediately. Users would then be faced with a bewildering choice of software from any of the many thousands of other companies building sophisticated operating systems and office applications.
For technical support queries users should turn to a reputable 3rd party support organisation such as Spinola International (Cayman Islands) plc. ®

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup

More from The Register

next story
MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS
'Prettier, better organised, more harmonious than if men were in charge'
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
prev story

Whitepapers

Top 10 endpoint backup mistakes
Avoid the ten endpoint backup mistakes to ensure that your critical corporate data is protected and end user productivity is improved.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Backing up distributed data
Eliminating the redundant use of bandwidth and storage capacity and application consolidation in the modern data center.
The essential guide to IT transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIOs automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.