Miller Freeman's PR Audit unit yesterday had the nerve to distribute a leaflet at the Networks Show in Birmingham, and in the press office itself, advertising a guide to UK journalists called Know Your Journalists.

The guide, which costs a whopping £725, is a quarterly number which in the words of the flacks will allow you to "have the journalists in the palm of your hand". Cough - is this a good thing?

And it has the nerve to name the hacks too. Here's a sample from its league tables:

Martin Veitchmeister (IT Week) is number one for impact with 6562 performance points, followed by Lindsay Clarke (Computing) and Cliff Saran (Computer Weekly).

Most positive journalists are Luke Peters, Jim Haryott, Steve Masters and Dave Evans. Shurely shome mishtake, Dave?

And the most negative journalists are Barry Fox, Marc Court, Bob Kane (he's gone back to the US, Miller Freeman), Andrew Hill, Simon Moores, Barry Collins, Bob Raikes (what's poor Bob ever done to Miller Freeman?), Guy Kewney and John Trevillian.

Journalists with complaints should call Miller Freeman's Enquiry Hotline at 020 8399 6888.

OK. So we are now putting together The Register alternative, Know Your Flacks. Contributions from UK journalists most welcome... ®