eNormicom sweeps VultureTelligent™ Awards
Behold the single greatest contribution to e-commerce yet developed: a latch-key, synergistic, soup-to-nuts, interactive, step-by-step, on-line development consultancy called eNormicom, capable of transforming any honest bumpkin into a free-wheeling, BMW-driving, nineteen-year-old eNtrepreneur qualified to lead the unwashed masses through the Electronic Global Economy, onward, and steadily upward, ultimately to that Great Valhalla.com of the Future.
The eNormicom philosophy, much like the mysterious and ancient Wisdom of the East, is at once profound and deceptively simple. It's about branding. It's about interactive, real-time market testing. It's about differentiation with "morphemes, phonemes and gigonemes."
It's about empowering your future as a DotCom flash-in-the-pan NASDAQ phEnomenon. And ultimately, it's about getting acquired and securely retired before the bean counters catch on.
At the heart of eNormicom's service is its patented, next-generation "Nametron 3000" brand engine, which "uses a complex system of algorithms and formulas... to create a Singular Cohesive Action Moniker (S.C.A.M.™) for your company. The result is a truly best-of-breed name that conveys the essence of your brand's soul."
We gave the Nametron a go and drew "Similant", a weakish moniker, we initially thought. But the true hidden beauty of eNormicom is its real-time interactive focus group: Dad, Mom, Son and Daughter. Ours had a more positive response than we could have imagined. For Dad, the name suggested "very strong customer focus."
"Global," Daughter said.
Thus reassured, we next got a taste of how the patented "Image Bucket" can buff a company logo to convey the right synergies: a logo that "shows people that your company is futuristic yet caring, active yet balanced."
"Nothing says innovation and cutting-edge like having a curved swoosh in your logo," eNormicom advises.
A mere mouse-click later we had it, and with another we got the focus group's response. To Mom it implied that "anything is possible." Son felt "empowered".
Our logo was indeed a triumph: technological yet empathetic - a veritable concoction of Aristotelian logic and Christian sentiment worthy of Saint Thomas Aquinas himself.
Name generated and logo designed, we were nearly, but not quite, finished. We got a free bonus: the Electronic Growth and Demographic Solutions (eGADS) kit, which explains in simple layman's terms the deepest insider secrets of successful on-line commerce, such as the need to emphasise, to the point of catatonia, the mantra, "process, process, process."
Navigating the site could not have been easier; eNormicom has achieved true point-and-drool interactivity. Rarely indeed does Ageless Wisdom combine so felicitously with Practical Expediency. We were breathless. ®
Note VultureTelligent™ is a registered trademark of MediaWhores Ltd. Contest open to all New Economy commercial entities with money to burn. Awards remain conditional until the cheque has cleared. No stock options, please.
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