This is the updated Register PR tariff.

• For £10,000 we will write anything you like on our site.
• For £15,000 we will remove any story from our site.
• Fancy an Editors' Award for your very dull product? Simply rush your free sample to us (no WAP phones, please) and a highly sought after Register Golden Vulture™ accolade can be yours for a mere £1000.
• Multinational companies: tired of incessant leaks? For £50,000 we will finger moles within your organisation (unless they're our friends, in which case employees will be chosen at random from your internal phone directory).
• PR bunnies: Want to impress your clients by taking a Register? staffer to lunch? A mere £250 (in the restaurant of our choice) will pay for us greeting you like a long-lost friend and telling the client you're the only decent PR person we've ever met.
• For £500 we will attend a press conference as long as it is in London and we don't have to write about it (plus £500 surcharge if no free bar provided).
• For another £500 we will write about it as well. If the press conference is out of Central London, the charges will be double the above.
• For £500 will get you kitted out in Register duds and post your pic on our merchandise page.
• Got dirt on a competitor? Simply send us the details and a cheque for £500 and the sordid details will be posted (we reserve the right to ask the named competitor for reciprocal dirt on you which we will publish for double this fee unless you have even sleazier information and double their fee - and so on).
• Yes we do accept stock options, but only from proper technology companies. Dotcoms need not apply.
• And remember: free booze and tabs rarely cause offence (unless involving cheap whisky or low tar cigarettes).

Integrity - we've heard of it.