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Dr Spinola goes out of control

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Internet Security Threat Report 2014

PC Clinic Having trouble with your brand new machine or with the lovely application software that's cost you an arm and a leg? Our very own PC paramedic, Dr Spinola will guide you through the hardware morass. This week, he discusses virus protection software, sexy CEOs, sexy components and SETI. Q What is the best virus protection you can get? A This is currently what we in the industry call a "hot topic", seeing as so many people have been hit by a Philipino strain of the common cold called I Love You, or as we doctors prefer to call it Microsoftus Outlookus. You can protect against viral attack by putting a face mask on your PC. If it should catch Microsoftus Outlookus, put it to bed immediately, order it to stay there until it feels better, and make sure it drinks plenty of fluid. If you have a PC cooling device, this may help to lower the machine's temperature. Q Which is the sexiest CEO of a PC company A This is not as easy as you might think. While there is little doubt that Carly Fiorina is a handsome woman who I'm sure has caused many a young man to let his eyes stray, my personal favourite is IBM's Lou Gerstner. "Boots", as he is nicknamed, first caught my eye at IBM's famous ranch in upstate New York, when he strolled into the bar and asked for a Bourbon, not long after he had started at the company. The barman said: "We don't serve spirits," to which Boots replied: "You do now." What a hunk. Even though Boots is a real man, I personally prefer Craig "Yeehaa" Barrett of Intel. I managed to get hold of a picture of the man sat on his horse and with his cowboy hat on. He's a real stud. Q What is your favourite component on a motherboard? A You all thought I was going to answer this question by saying CPU, didn't you? Well, it isn't. In my opinion, you can't beat a capacitor for sheer elegance and beauty. Q Someone told me I should install SETI on my machine. What is SETI? A SETI stands for the Search for Extra Transistors Inside. What you do is you open your PC case, get a very fine drill, and open your CPU. Then you start counting the transistors. This can take some time, depending on the microprocessor in your machine. However, expect faster times to complete a SETI round if you have a 286, a 386 or a 486 rather than those new fangled Copperwhoppas.

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