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No email thanks to the virus? Here's what to do

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Necessity is the mother of invention. Who said that? Mmm, dunno, but it's nice to see that the good folk down at PR and marketing agency Rainier have been adhering to it. Yesterday the world and its dog was bitten in the wotsit by the Luurve Bug and today we received a list from Rainier of ten things to do when your email system falls over. Good show, we thought, nothing quite like spotting an opportunity for a little gratuitous publicity – something we're all too familiar with. Anyway, here's that list in full: 1 - Talk in loud tones of your wonder at what people did before e-mail. Wonder at your productivity increase; 2 - Find a book on the use of English grammar and amaze yourself at your complete ignorance of how to use it; 3 - Go to the pub early and discuss the merits of continued employment for those who sent or opened a freak email entitled 'I Love You'. Drink to the hackers who caused you to be there; 4 - Blow the dust off your phone book and ring your parents, remind them who you are and explain what email is; 5 - Find the life you left behind when first you logged on. Log off at the last page of the Internet at Wackycreations; 6 - Pull out the Yellow Pages. Ring up market research companies and offer to take part in any surveys they're currently running; 7 - Visit Eeggs to find out how to access hidden games and utilities in common computer operating systems and applications; 8 - Re-programme databases, desktop and mobile phones and fax to account for the recent UK phone number changes; 9 - Set-up a chair racing circuit round your office and line-up the swivel chairs for a spot of office Grand Prix; 10 - Spot the companies trying to cash-in on the Love Bug virus and admire their creative ingenuity. But what about number 11, guys? No 11 – sit around and draw up a list of things to do when the email system falls over.

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