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3rd May 2000 Archive

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  • BOFH dreams of justifiable user homicide

    Episode 15 Let no man get between BOFH and his sleep

    BOFH 2000: Episode 15 So it's 3:17am and I'm safely asleep in my bed, dreaming of a world where "dumbness" is grounds for justifiable user homicide, when the phone rings. "Hello, I know it's late..." the voice starts. "It's not late, it's early..." "Yeah well, I had to call because it's an emergency!" "Uh-huh. And how did you …

    BOFH 3 May 2000, 10:00

  • Durlacher statement

    E-venture capital outfit speaks

    The Register has received this statement from e-venture capital outfit, Durlacher, about reports that it is to withdraw from some dotcom investments. At Durlacher we remain passionate about the opportunities presented by the convergence of technology, communications and media, and continue to be involved in the creation and …

    Bootnotes 3 May 2000, 10:02

  • BOFH signs up for M$ soap slush fund

    Episode 14 Software Piracy. Just say no

    BOFH 2000: Episode 14 So the PFY and I are having a chuckle at Microsoft's Anti-Piracy Message in Popular Soap Opera Initiative when we see a disturbing sight. No, not a development license for OS2 software signed by The Boss, Even worse... "Who's that then?" the PFY asks, indicating a young suited lad industriously engaged in …

    BOFH 3 May 2000, 10:02

  • Brits not humorous – and that includes The Register

    All our ex-colonies, too, apparently

    From: Protologic Date: 14 March, 5:11am British humor? An oxymoron, right? The Register is British humor, isn't it? Like Monty Python, Benny Hill, the Royals. Let's see, the British have no microprocessor technology or industry, they have no software industry, their cars and motorcycles vibrated themselves to pieces, don't …

    Flame of the Week 3 May 2000, 10:03

  • Mike Magee sleeps with Dr Tom Pabst

    You guessed it, another Rambus rant

    From: Gkajsdf Mlasdhf Date: Saturday, March 25, 2000, 7:36:56 AM Subject: hey mike magee YOU ARE A LIAR!!!! You claim to be impartial towards rambus. However, calling rambus, "rambust," in your article "Rambust kicked in goolies by Big Blue" shows your bias. I still cant believe you hold your bed buddy,Tom Pabst (probably …

    Flame of the Week 3 May 2000, 10:03

  • Structural remedies: splitting Microsoft up

    intro

    Structural remedies can involve the breaking of the company into two or more separate companies, either vertically by product group, or horizontally by creating in effect Babysofts that compete with each other and start with identical products. Structural remedies are attractive because they do not require supervision by a court …

    Software 3 May 2000, 10:03

  • Behavioural remedies: curbing Microsoft's conduct

    intro

    Behavioural remedies of all kinds have the drawback that they require active supervision by a court-appointed monitor - possibly a magistrate judge. They're therefore likely to be complex and costly to supervise, and present the additional disadvantage of being an ongoing process, whereas the government camp would like something …

    Software 3 May 2000, 10:03

  • BOFH moonlights CRAP SOFTWARE

    Episode 12 By all means necessary

    BOFH 2000: Chapter 12 Some mornings, you just KNOW that someone up there is working against you. (Fifth floor, not God, obviously.) And so it is that an internal mail envelope negotiates it's way to The Boss's desk, into his bin, out of his bin, over to the coffee station, to the toilets, back to his desk, gets opened, stared at …

    BOFH 3 May 2000, 10:03

  • Sledgehammer core could extend to all AMD chips

    Which would give Intel a run for its chip money

    A student in Electrical and Computer Engineering at the University of Colorado has written a preview of AMD's Sledgehammer which outlines its architecture and future, and poses intriguing questions on future directions in the x86 market. Tom Kerrigan says that the available information on the 64-bit Sledgehammer, which AMD hopes …

    Channel 3 May 2000, 10:05

  • Intel's Celeron IIs arrive, with Screaming Sindie in tow

    These are inexpensive little numbers

    As predicted, Intel has today released two Celeron microprocessors based on its .18µ (micron) Coppermine Pentium III technology. The 600MHz and 566MHz chips cost $181 and $167 respectively, provided you buy a thousand each of the babies. Intel said it will introduce faster clock speeds of the Celerons before June. Pat "Kicking" …

    Channel 3 May 2000, 10:05

  • Hackers can control military assets remotely

    Armageddon frightened by this

    Army officials are concerned that skilled computer enthusiasts, and in particular those engaged by hostile military organisations, can hack into military weapons systems and control them remotely, Federal Computer Week reports. The potential exists for hackers to access computerised systems used for navigation and weapons …

    Music and Media 3 May 2000, 10:05

  • Guest Flame of The Week: World's most travelled man is pathetic braggart

    Get a life

    Background: Phil Haines appears in the Guinness Book of Records as the world's youngest man to travel every country in the world. He runs Live-travel a small bespoke tour operator, which takes people to the likes of North Korea, Iraq and Libya (Yes, really). And he has a regular writing gig at The Independent on Sunday. From: …

    Flame of the Week 3 May 2000, 11:34

  • Take Your Pig Ass Licking Crap Off The Net

    Apparently we are too nice to the Police

    What have we done to deserve this? From: Edward Date: Thursday, March 16, 2000, 4:38:32 PM Subject: book 'im danno For an organisation who claim to "tell it like it is" you dont appear to have a good grasp on fact. The fact is that the police in THIS country (never mind the ones in Taiwan) are useless and deserve every …

    Flame of the Week 3 May 2000, 11:34

  • Register scum sucking whores

    Rambus (& Intel) who?

    Welcome to 'stream of (un)consciousness of the week'... From: RU486Mart Subject: Brush your teeth Lying asshole, Rambus (& Intel) hating Brits. Brush your teeth, you scum sucking whores for the anti-Rambus faction. Someday, when we get time, we'll prove you intentionally slant your "news". I hope you pukes are at least making …

    Flame of the Week 3 May 2000, 11:37

  • Register anti free speech

    No talent hacks, too

    From: James C. Hess Re: Reno grabbing Free Speech Sooo. . . I am missing something here. You people march lockstep with the likes of Tony Blair and Bill Clinton, who make no bones about silencing Free Speech. What's the beef now? Oh, right. It's YOUR rights that are being threatened. If if were just my rights, well fuck me, …

    Flame of the Week 3 May 2000, 11:37

  • Embedded Linux group promotes MS alternative

    But what about RTOSes?

    The Embedded Linux Consortium, formed recently as a vendor-neutral trade association is intended to provide a Linux-based alternative to Microsoft operating systems like Windows CE and embedded NT. Linus Torvalds has given ELC his blessing. The ELC was proposed by Rick Lehrbaum of LinuxDevices, who runs the PC/104 Consortium, …

    Software 3 May 2000, 11:38

  • Supanet pays you to surf

    Not just Supa, but smashing too

    In a week when ISPs have fallen over themselves to offer flat-fee unmetered access to the Net, one company now claims it wants to pay people to use its service. Supanet -- a subsidiary of Time Computers -- said today it was setting up a trial to examine how people would use the Net if given low-cost unlimited access. A thousands …

    Music and Media 3 May 2000, 11:39

  • The Register Guide to Flat Fee ISPs

    Sweet Sixteen

    Confused about which ISPs are offering all-you-can-eat Net access in Britain? Then gorge yourself on The Register's guide to unmetered/flat-fee ISPs. If any ISPs want to be included on the list, please send the details to Tim Richardson and he'll sort it out. AltaVista -- announced March 2000 that it was to offer unmetered …

    Music and Media 3 May 2000, 11:39

  • Full coverage: Cybersquatting

    Porno squatters, hackers and sundry savouries

    The Politics Analysis: Net regulators close in on rogue domains Yankee legislators, stay home US outlaws cybersquatting Congress meddles with cybersquatters US appeal court breaks trademark/domain name link UN body moves to ban Web squatters New body to end cyber squatting US senator Orrin Hatch priced at $45k The …

    Register Full Coverage 3 May 2000, 11:41

  • No one believes Register's lies anymore

    A double flame in dual-channel Rambus mode

    Yesterday Rambus' share price rose yet again, to close at $240, and while a 64MB module of SDRAM was listed as $30 on Pricewatch, a 64MB RIMM cost $309... Flamer Only the most retarded shorts still use the Register as a source. Better study up a bit. Register Hi. What do you mean by this elliptic line? Flamer I assumed that " …

    Flame of the Week 3 May 2000, 11:42

  • Register panders to society's fetishes

    Garbage posters

    Last week we reported the conviction of a British primary school headmaster for downloading under-age gay pornography onto a school computer (see Another headmaster caught looking at youth porn). We ran into some flak: following one email which accused of us conflating paedophilia with homosexuality, we edited the original …

    Flame of the Week 3 May 2000, 11:42

  • CeBIT 2000: Kit and Caboodle

    700,000 people can't be wrong

    The Speeches Schroder wants Blue Collar Net junkies Sommer attacks EU competition regime German IT lobby chief calls for relaxed immigration controls The Show must go on CeBIT - for Germany, or the World? Exhibitors less than gruntled with CeBIT crash CeBIT 2000 - mobile stuff Motorola unveils phone in a watch WAP …

    Register Full Coverage 3 May 2000, 11:43

  • BOFH masters the art of creative accounting

    Episode 6 One consultant minus one piece of paper = 3,000

    BOFH 2000: Episode 6 So we've got a visitor in at Mission Control for the next couple of days who's going to upgrade the main financial software package that the company uses. And wouldn't you know it, his hourly rate (I happen to notice, when his briefcase accidentally falls open after I trip and insert a paperclip into its …

    BOFH 3 May 2000, 11:56

  • Hardware Round-up spins the platters

    Disktastic day

    16 February 2000 Hardware Round-up is back after a couple of days leave of absence: sometimes there just ain't enough Reg staffers to go around. Anyway, here goes for a disktastic day in Hardware Review Land. First up is Storage Review, which takes takes time out to spin the platter with the Quantum Atlas V. This represents a " …

    Hardware Roundup 3 May 2000, 12:02

  • Invidious Nvidia proclaims major PC wins

    You've got to hand it to 'em

    A massive splash of press releases from graphics chip firm Nvidia at the current WinHEC 2000 conference in New Orleans has revealed the extent of the firm's egregious assault on the graphics market. It has secured a raft of design wins with top PC OEMs -- including the Dell Corporation -- to use its GeForce2 GTS graphic …

    Business 3 May 2000, 13:45

  • Symbian signs Sony

    Entertainment cellphones coming RSN

    Relief all round at Symbian as the first company not holding shares in the outfit inks a deal for software to run its next generation mobiles. Sony suits today extolled the virtues of Symbians EPOC OS in London as it revealed its plans for 'Entertainment' cellphones coming to a store near you next year. The new Sony phones will …

    Business 3 May 2000, 13:45

  • Gates speaks – the PC future's fast and noisy

    Surprise, surprise

    Bill Gates was touting his future plans for the PC in a speech at the Windows Hardware Engineering Conference (WinHEC) 2000 yesterday. Speaking at the Morial Convention Centre in New Orleans, Gates ignored Microsoft's financial and structural woes to discuss the software company's technology plans. "Our commitment is to provide …

    Business 3 May 2000, 13:45

  • World Online punters vent fury at Brinkmanship

    Blood lust engulfs ABN AMRO

    The World Online saga has reached a new phase: the wrath of Dutch investors in the less-than-successful floatation of the Rotterdam-based World Online last month has turned from being directed against former chairman Nina Brink to the ABN AMRO bank's role (and that of Goldman Sachs). Now that the first 30 days of trading are …

    Music and Media 3 May 2000, 13:45

  • FT publishes fake letter

    In the name of fun

    That bastion of the UK establishment, the Financial Times, ran a letter on Saturday, April 15 from one Christopher Grey of New York consulting outfit Zodiac Consulting Partners. Grey expressed concern that Psion's share price had dropped 666 pence on the London Stock Exchange (on April 11) and predicted the imminent death and …

    Bootnotes 3 May 2000, 13:45

  • C2000 appoints new UK MD

    Watt takes on the regions

    Broadline distributor Computer 2000 has announced a number of switches in management – including a new UK MD. Julian Klein has been promoted from commercial director and deputy MD to replace Graeme Watt as head of the company in the UK. Watt will take on the wider role of regional MD, with responsibility for Ireland, Latvia, …

    Business 3 May 2000, 13:45

  • Ingram UK admits £5 million loss

    Exceptional write-offs

    Ingram Micro UK has finally filed its accounts for 1998 and revealed losses of more than £5 million. The UK arm of the distributor recorded a pre-tax loss of £5.1 million for the year ended 31 December 1998, against profits of almost £4 million the previous year. Sales were up 11 per cent at £546 million. The company, which was …

    Business 3 May 2000, 13:45

  • WAP already a success: official

    We told you this would happen. IDC first out the gates

    You may not be able to actually get hold of it just yet, and there may not be any actual applications, but technology moves so fast these days that WAP has already become a success (claims of "fastest-ever consumer uptake" haven't appeared just yet though). According to IDC, the mobile data market for Western Europe is on the …

    Data Networking 3 May 2000, 13:45