Feeds

Sad geezer auctions himself on eBay

He's doing it for Valentine's Day - talk about a cupid stunt

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Lovesick John Alanis has put himself up for auction on eBay to try and find himself a date for Valentine's Day. Alanis -- who describes himself as 5'7", fit, and with blue eyes -- has only managed to attract $45 since bidding began last week. The auction closes tomorrow. The e-Romeo said: "The way I see it, prospective dates can bid on a romantic evening with me for February 14. "The highest bidder gets to take me out -- and spend the amount they bid -- on me!" Attempting to give potential dates an insight into his emotional side, Alanis said: "I was talking to a friend of mine (who I used to date) a few days ago, and she said something very intriguing to me: 'John, you remind me of the male character in a romance novel. "'You always seem to be doing something adventurous -- travelling all over the country, driving your business with a true, sincere passion and determination, or speaking in front of people. "'You even kind of look like a romance novel hero. You have a large chest, well-muscled arms, and a hard chin. But what I really notice about you are your piercing blue eyes. You have brooding eyes. "'Sometimes you overwhelm me with your presence, and quite frankly, sometimes you can be a real jerk.'" You ain't joking. And if you're still umming and arring about whether Alanis would make a great date, why not buy his book -- The Lazy Way to Dating Success - How to Find Your True Love From the Comfort of Your Home... in Only Minutes Per Day. Reconstructed male? No chance. ® See also: Click here for luurve

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

More from The Register

next story
Facebook, Apple: LADIES! Why not FREEZE your EGGS? It's on the company!
No biological clockwatching when you work in Silicon Valley
Doctor Who's Flatline: Cool monsters, yes, but utterly limp subplots
We know what the Doctor does, stop going on about it already
'Cowardly, venomous trolls' threatened with TWO-YEAR sentences for menacing posts
UK government: 'Taking a stand against a baying cyber-mob'
Happiness economics is bollocks. Oh, UK.gov just adopted it? Er ...
Opportunity doesn't knock; it costs us instead
Arab States make play for greater government control of the internet
Nerds told to get lost in last-minute power grab bid at UN meeting
Zippy one-liners, broken promises: Doctor Who on the Orient Express
Series finally hits stride, but Clara's U-turn is baffling
Don't bother telling people if you lose their data, say Euro bods
You read that right – with the proviso that it's encrypted
Apple SILENCES Bose, YANKS headphones from stores
The, er, Beats go on after noise-cancelling spat
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.