Feeds

Wall St chumps lose out to chimp

Brokers go ape-shit bananas over monkey business

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Build a business case: developing custom apps

A chimp that chose her portfolio of Internet stocks by chucking darts at a list of companies has been hailed a financial whizz kid by her keeper. Six-year-old Raven delivered a 213 per cent gain on 1999 outperforming most of the yuppies on Wall Street. Indeed, had she been employed at a Wall Street Mutual Fund, it's claimed her performance would have ranked as the 22nd best money manager in the country -- outperforming more than 6,000 Wall Street pros. The monkey business began in January of 1999 when Raven lobbed darts at a list of 133 Internet-related stocks, to create her own financial index, MonkeyDex. During the last year her selection has just surpassed all expectations. "She quadrupled the performance of the Dow and doubled the performance of the Nasdaq composite," said Roland Perry, editor of the Internet Stock Review and creator of the MonkeyDex, billed as the "Internet's first index of Internet stocks picked by an actual monkey" (what, as opposed to a fake one? - Ed). "Not bad considering she wasn't able to participate in any of the hot new issue offerings," he said. Raven recently returned to Wall Street to pick this year's selection from 281 Internet-related stocks. They are: Audible.com, Broadcom, eToys, Litronic, Medium4.com, Lycos, N2H2, Prodigy, Software.com, and StarMedia. Game on. ® Related Stories: Brokers challenged to spank the monkey

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
Kate Bush: Don't make me HAVE CONTACT with your iPHONE
Can't face sea of wobbling fondle implements. What happened to lighters, eh?
Video of US journalist 'beheading' pulled from social media
Yanked footage featured British-accented attacker and US journo James Foley
Caught red-handed: UK cops, PCSOs, specials behaving badly… on social media
No Mr Fuzz, don't ask a crime victim to be your pal on Facebook
Ballmer leaves Microsoft board to spend more time with his b-balls
From Clippy to Clippers: Hi, I see you're running an NBA team now ...
Online tat bazaar eBay coughs to YET ANOTHER outage
Web-based flea market struck dumb by size and scale of fail
Amazon takes swipe at PayPal, Square with card reader for mobes
Etailer plans to undercut rivals with low transaction fee offer
Assange™: Hey world, I'M STILL HERE, ignore that Snowden guy
Press conference: ME ME ME ME ME ME ME (cont'd pg 94)
Call of Duty daddy considers launching own movie studio
Activision Blizzard might like quality control of a CoD film
US regulators OK sale of IBM's x86 server biz to Lenovo
Now all that remains is for gov't offices to ban the boxes
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Top 10 endpoint backup mistakes
Avoid the ten endpoint backup mistakes to ensure that your critical corporate data is protected and end user productivity is improved.
Top 8 considerations to enable and simplify mobility
In this whitepaper learn how to successfully add mobile capabilities simply and cost effectively.
Rethinking backup and recovery in the modern data center
Combining intelligence, operational analytics, and automation to enable efficient, data-driven IT organizations using the HP ABR approach.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.