Feeds

Your daily PC horoscope

The twelve signs of the PC zodiac

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

AMD You will meet a tall, elderly gentleman who so closely resembles the man from KFC that you buy a bucket of chicken before you remember you just wanted chips. Intel You will meet a tall, young gentleman who works in the spin paramedic department and attempts to give you the kiss of life even though you aren't gasping for breath. Compaq You will meet a tall, middle-aged gentleman who claims he used to be the CEO of the company and has an interesting hair style. NatSemi You will meet a tall story about how a chip called Geode is going to trash Intel. Dell You will meet a tall building that looks like a castle and is inhabited by a multimillionaire. Microsoft You will boot up your PC and discover that your hard drive keeps running out of space because of all the redundant DLLs in your C:\WINDOWS directory. You will desparately try to find out how to fix this but you will fail miserably. IBM You will meet a pair of intelligent boots walking down the sidewalk which belong to a man who looks suspiciously like a biscuit executive. Apple You will meet a very handsome and self-confident man at the Palladium theatre in the heart of London's throbbing West End and only a stone's throw from Vulture Central who will tell you about an exciting new piece of hardware called the NeXT platform. You will meet him again after Gil Amelio and Ellen Hancock leave Apple. Oracle You will meet a pair of shoes worth more than your entire wardrobe attached to the legs of a man who never seems to stop talking. HP You will meet a tall handsome woman who used to work for a company with a very strange logo and is all for diversity. Rambus Nothing will happen to you today. Computacenter You will win an award at a razzmatazz show in exciting Battersea which confirms that you are, essentially, a giant dealer. If it's your birthday today You were born on the 24th of November. ®

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

More from The Register

next story
The 'fun-nification' of computer education – good idea?
Compulsory code schools, luvvies love it, but what about Maths and Physics?
Facebook, Apple: LADIES! Why not FREEZE your EGGS? It's on the company!
No biological clockwatching when you work in Silicon Valley
Lords take revenge on REVENGE PORN publishers
Jilted Johns and Jennies with busy fingers face two years inside
Happiness economics is bollocks. Oh, UK.gov just adopted it? Er ...
Opportunity doesn't knock; it costs us instead
Ex-US Navy fighter pilot MIT prof: Drones beat humans - I should know
'Missy' Cummings on UAVs, smartcars and dying from boredom
Yes, yes, Steve Jobs. Look what I'VE done for you lately – Tim Cook
New iPhone biz baron points to Apple's (his) greatest successes
Sysadmin with EBOLA? Gartner's issued advice to debug your biz
Start hoarding cleaning supplies, analyst firm says, and assume your team will scatter
Edward who? GCHQ boss dodges Snowden topic during last speech
UK spies would rather 'walk' than do 'mass surveillance'
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.