Your daily PC horoscope

The twelve signs of the PC zodiac

AMD You will meet a tall, elderly gentleman who so closely resembles the man from KFC that you buy a bucket of chicken before you remember you just wanted chips. Intel You will meet a tall, young gentleman who works in the spin paramedic department and attempts to give you the kiss of life even though you aren't gasping for breath. Compaq You will meet a tall, middle-aged gentleman who claims he used to be the CEO of the company and has an interesting hair style. NatSemi You will meet a tall story about how a chip called Geode is going to trash Intel. Dell You will meet a tall building that looks like a castle and is inhabited by a multimillionaire. Microsoft You will boot up your PC and discover that your hard drive keeps running out of space because of all the redundant DLLs in your C:\WINDOWS directory. You will desparately try to find out how to fix this but you will fail miserably. IBM You will meet a pair of intelligent boots walking down the sidewalk which belong to a man who looks suspiciously like a biscuit executive. Apple You will meet a very handsome and self-confident man at the Palladium theatre in the heart of London's throbbing West End and only a stone's throw from Vulture Central who will tell you about an exciting new piece of hardware called the NeXT platform. You will meet him again after Gil Amelio and Ellen Hancock leave Apple. Oracle You will meet a pair of shoes worth more than your entire wardrobe attached to the legs of a man who never seems to stop talking. HP You will meet a tall handsome woman who used to work for a company with a very strange logo and is all for diversity. Rambus Nothing will happen to you today. Computacenter You will win an award at a razzmatazz show in exciting Battersea which confirms that you are, essentially, a giant dealer. If it's your birthday today You were born on the 24th of November. ®

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