Feeds

Industry analysts diet for charity

Perhaps they're going to eat their words...?

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Some analysts are just starving for press coverage at the moment, The Register has learned. Top staff at London investment bank Granville are losing weight in an effort to alert us all to the lean times ahead in the Millennium. Talk about taking your job seriously. Analysts George O'Connor and Roger Phillips, along with Richard Lucas from specialist sales, are trying to shed eight stone between them before the first week in December. "The IT market is going through a change, and companies need to slim down," said O'Connor, after swearing he only ate a plate of boiled fish and vegetables for lunch. "In order for them to get underweight, we intend to practice what we preach," he continued. The three are also being sponsored by city institutions and businesses, with all funds going to charity. Who said the City doesn't have a heart? When asked how much weight he personally intended to shift, Connor craftily commented: "All three of us certainly have a lot of face to lose." Fellow faster Phillips was keen to point out that Connor was not the "the slimmest and the prettiest" as was claimed in certain national newspapers yesterday. "Who's the heaviest? If you wanted to swerve around George to avoid him on the road, you would run out of petrol," said Phillips. Now that's not very charitable, is it? Don't worry George, we still love you. ®

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

More from The Register

next story
Facebook pays INFINITELY MORE UK corp tax than in 2012
Thanks for the £3k, Zuck. Doh! you're IN CREDIT. Guess not
Facebook, Apple: LADIES! Why not FREEZE your EGGS? It's on the company!
No biological clockwatching when you work in Silicon Valley
Happiness economics is bollocks. Oh, UK.gov just adopted it? Er ...
Opportunity doesn't knock; it costs us instead
Sysadmin with EBOLA? Gartner's issued advice to debug your biz
Start hoarding cleaning supplies, analyst firm says, and assume your team will scatter
YARR! Pirates walk the plank: DMCA magnets sink in Google results
Spaffing copyrighted stuff over the web? No search ranking for you
Microsoft EU warns: If you have ties to the US, Feds can get your data
European corps can't afford to get complacent while American Big Biz battles Uncle Sam
Don't bother telling people if you lose their data, say Euro bods
You read that right – with the proviso that it's encrypted
prev story

Whitepapers

Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.