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The Register has awarded two prizes for top explanations of the surreal signature "The tire (sic) is only flat on the bottom." The judges said they were particularly impressed with the number and quality of the entries. Or something like that. "Having to make a decision was incredibly difficult," said one judge. "So the pin came in very handy." One entry that caught the eye of the judges was Jason Ozin's response - regardless of whether it's true or not. "Just to put the record straight and close this thing once and for all," he wrote. "The expression in question was first penned by my uncle Albert around 1957. He sent it in to Readers Digest where it was published. I believe he was sent one Shilling. Uncle Albert tells me he has no idea what it means and doubts that he had at the time either.” “To give you some background - Uncle Albert keeps frogs. His best friend is a Bull Frog called Albert (yes I know) and Albert (the non-reptile one) has been institutionalised on at least four occasions in his life." Let’s hear it for uncle Albert. The judges also awarded Brent McGee a special prize for the most pseudo-intellectual reply of the bunch. "This is the existential difference between a pessimist and an optimist (AKA ‘the glass is half-full’ syndrome)," he wrote. "The pessimist would say: ‘Damn, I've got a flat tire!’ An optimist looks at the same useless piece of rubber and says: ‘No, only the bottom part of it is flat, most of it is still round!’ I would tend to steer clear of this person." Each will receive an exclusive limited edition Register pin. ®

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