Feeds

Silly email signature prizes awarded

We were under-whelmed with entries – please stop sending them

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Top three mobile application threats

The Register has awarded two prizes for top explanations of the surreal signature "The tire (sic) is only flat on the bottom." The judges said they were particularly impressed with the number and quality of the entries. Or something like that. "Having to make a decision was incredibly difficult," said one judge. "So the pin came in very handy." One entry that caught the eye of the judges was Jason Ozin's response - regardless of whether it's true or not. "Just to put the record straight and close this thing once and for all," he wrote. "The expression in question was first penned by my uncle Albert around 1957. He sent it in to Readers Digest where it was published. I believe he was sent one Shilling. Uncle Albert tells me he has no idea what it means and doubts that he had at the time either.” “To give you some background - Uncle Albert keeps frogs. His best friend is a Bull Frog called Albert (yes I know) and Albert (the non-reptile one) has been institutionalised on at least four occasions in his life." Let’s hear it for uncle Albert. The judges also awarded Brent McGee a special prize for the most pseudo-intellectual reply of the bunch. "This is the existential difference between a pessimist and an optimist (AKA ‘the glass is half-full’ syndrome)," he wrote. "The pessimist would say: ‘Damn, I've got a flat tire!’ An optimist looks at the same useless piece of rubber and says: ‘No, only the bottom part of it is flat, most of it is still round!’ I would tend to steer clear of this person." Each will receive an exclusive limited edition Register pin. ®

3 Big data security analytics techniques

Whitepapers

Securing web applications made simple and scalable
In this whitepaper learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.
Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
SANS - Survey on application security programs
In this whitepaper learn about the state of application security programs and practices of 488 surveyed respondents, and discover how mature and effective these programs are.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.