Feeds

Tire Kyckers slam Register silly email signatures report

Must be something in the water

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Bridging the IT gap between rising business demands and ageing tools

The Register has been inundated with insults and explanations after it ran a report into the dark and slightly mysterious world of e-mail signatures last week. Although few people seemed to condemn the practice, the exact meaning of the phrase "The tire (sic) is only flat on the bottom" did fire up many of you to write in with some kind of explanation. James McPherson writes: "Car tires are round, except where they touch the ground, i.e. the bottom. This is an example of restating the obvious in a manner intended to be funny but falling, well, flat." But Bryan Blackwell disagrees. He thinks it means something completely different altogether. “You’ve had a flat tire on your car at some point, right? OK, if you look at the tire, it looks like it’s only flat on the bottom, and couldn’t you fix it by just putting on a piece to fill in that flat part? So the signature line is not surreal, it’s a commentary on people who have no clue whatsoever what the problem is. Imagine Dilbert’s pointy haired boss saying this and I think you’ll get it." Interestingly, Bryan signs off his email with: “Why do something if you’re not going to obsess about it?” Mmmmmmmm, very interesting, but what does it say about Bryan’s approach to life? We’re also indebted to James Lewis who says in his e-mail: "It is supposed to convey optimism, as in the difference between ‘The glass is half full’ and ‘The glass is half-empty’. But then, what do I know?" Indeed, what do you know, James, when you sign-off your e-mail with: "[If] it doesn’t run on an open source platform, therefore it, by definition, does not matter." Other explanations included this one from Peter Gimeno who takes the philosopher's approach to the problem. "I think that this quote has a literal meaning to it," he wrote. "Tires, when they go flat, are deformed and ‘flat’ on the bottom. The rest of the tire appears to be all right. I suppose a symbolic interpretation of this quote might be something like, ‘the results of a problem are not always where the problem started’. When a tire goes flat, the bottom ‘flat’ part is really only the result of the problem, and not the cause of the flat tire." Did everyone get that? And thanks to Bart Trzynadlowski for his upbeat explanation: "Hey, I think I know what that means. It means that when you get a flat it only appears to be on the bottom and it shows that even though part of you is dragging down in the dumps you should keep the rest of your body... inflated. Or in good spirits or something." The Register welcomes all contributions from freethinking readers who like nothing better than to wrestle with a cerebral challenge every once in a while. But we’re disturbed that so many of the explanations need a doctorate in philosophy—or some mind-expanding drug—to even get close to the truth. Please keep sending any more explanations of the tire (sic) saying—or any examples of outlandish signatures to Tim Richardson. Alternatively, file your ideas on our Message Forum and we shall deal with them, in due course.

The Power of One Brief: Top reasons to choose HP BladeSystem

More from The Register

next story
BBC goes offline in MASSIVE COCKUP: Stephen Fry partly muzzled
Auntie tight-lipped as major outage rolls on
iPad? More like iFAD: We reveal why Apple ran off to IBM
But never fear fanbois, you're still lapping up iPhones, Macs
Nadella: Apps must run on ALL WINDOWS – PCs, slabs and mobes
Phone egg, meet desktop chicken - your mother
HP, Microsoft prove it again: Big Business doesn't create jobs
SMEs get lip service - what they need is dinner at the Club
ITC: Seagate and LSI can infringe Realtek patents because Realtek isn't in the US
Land of the (get off scot) free, when it's a foreign owner
White? Male? You work in tech? Let us guess ... Twitter? We KNEW it!
Grim diversity numbers dumped alongside Facebook earnings
Dude, you're getting a Dell – with BITCOIN: IT giant slurps cryptocash
1. Buy PC with Bitcoin. 2. Mine more coins. 3. Goto step 1
There's NOTHING on TV in Europe – American video DOMINATES
Even France's mega subsidies don't stop US content onslaught
You! Pirate! Stop pirating, or we shall admonish you politely. Repeatedly, if necessary
And we shall go about telling people you smell. No, not really
prev story

Whitepapers

Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
Reducing security risks from open source software
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.