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Bart Simpson exposed as Melissa mastermind

Bad diet? Pallid complexion? It was obvious all along, really...

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Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Updated Chilling evidence of a connection between a cult cartoon series and the Melissa virus has emerged. The evil genius who brought email systems worldwide to a crunching halt, we can now reveal, may be none other than Bart Simpson. In its Melissa FAQ list CERT offers a tantalising hint: Q: "Are you aware of the connection between the Melissa virus and the television show The Simpsons?" A: "Yes." In true Network Nazi mode, CERT sticks to "I know something you don't know and I'm not telling," and goes no further. But although hackers may not know much about anything except hacking, one thing they do keep on their dance cards is The Simpsons. So over to comp.virus, where it is revealed: "The last five or so lines of code in the Melissa macro are: End If 'WORD/Melissa written by Kwyjibo 'Works in both Word 2000 and Word 97 'Worm? Macro Virus? Word 97 Virus? Word 2000 Virus? You Decide! 'Word -> Email | Word 97 <--> Word 2000 ... it's a new age! If Day(Now) = Minute(Now) Then Selection.TypeText " Twenty-two points, plus triple-word-score, plus fifty points for using all my letters. Game's over. I'm outta here." End Sub Says our helpful poster: "This is a quote of Bart Simpson. Melissa was the word he used to win a game of scrabble. Makes you wonder if the macro was really named after a stripper." Well of course it wasn't. Hackers don't have time to pick up the name of Bill Gates' wife (it's Melinda, not Melissa, but presumably these virus guys reckon it's close enough) or go out to lapdancing venues, they're very busy people. But they watch The Simpsons. Update Yup, they sure do. Our thanks to Cookie Hound for the following: The entire relevant section of this episode is as follows: Bart: Here we go. Kwyjibo [places his tiles] K-W-Y-J-I-B-O. Twenty-two points, plus triple-word-score, plus fifty points for using all my letters. Game's over. I'm outta here. [gets up] Homer: [grabs Bart with his left hand, holding a banana in his right] Wait a minute, you little cheater! You're not going anywhere until you tell me what a kwyjibo is. Bart: Kwyjibo. Uh... a big, dumb, balding North American ape. With no chin. Marge: And a short temper. Homer: I'll show you a big, dumb, balding ape! [leaps for Bart] Bart: [making his escape] Uh oh. Kwyjibo on the loose! So there we have it, and now you know. I guess your poster was only half helpful. The Simpsons stuff comes from www.snpp.com/news.html, and if you post a correction, can I possibly have a name-check? The name-check's all yours, Mr Hound, sir. ®

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