Feeds

CeBIT 98: The Bootnotes of Lou

At The Register, we take no prisoners

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

A year ago: Deutsche Messe AG's apparent campaign to destroy Germany's reputation for efficiency took another giant leap forward this year. The Register habitually holes-up at the other end of an express train ride from Hanover, cunningly not catching the trains that stop at the special show station so we can get a seat. But these trains are now few and far between, so we kept having to stand while vastly-increased volumes of passengers headed for Laatzen, the CeBIT station. So on to the next great move from Deutsche Messe. Instead of the bus that took you from Laatzen to the show, there's a new 'Skywalk' that lets the milling throng walk there instead. At the other end the ticket gates are now automated. You put your ticket in, wait until it spits it out and tells you to go. This probably increases the time spent at the turnstile by a factor of three to five, so you shuffle slowly towards the gates as one of a slow moving mob of thousands. Another 20 minutes walk gets you to press registration, if you're press. Yup, more innovation. The ratchet of security has been tightened some more, so one by one the 'alleged' journalists get to have a long argument. We got in finally with the aid of a press card and a suggestion that "if you want to see our goddamm clippings you'd better check the URL yourself." The Psion Series 5 with a cellular connection was being held in reserve for this, but we think it was the cold, murderous stare that finally made the clerk give in. Earlier this year the Financial Times announced Mitsubishi's withdrawal from the PC market. The trouble was that the story, based on an interview with company PC guru Dr Peter Horne, was inaccurate. Mitsubishi was getting out of the consumer PC market and the FT had got it horribly wrong. Now, non-journalists might think that 'there but the grace of god go I' would come into it for us, but not a bit of it. Heartless, short-sighted thugs that we all are, journos everywhere laughed their socks off about that one, snickering some more when they noticed the FT had spelled Dr Peter's name wrong and slightly misplaced Samsung's nationality. But we learn that it was funnier than that, if you're not Dr Peter Horne, that is. The day the story came out Dr Peter was in Japan, heading into a meeting with the Mitsubishi High Command. Now, the FT may be British, but it's an international paper with international editions, including a Far East one which, time zones being what they are, is published when the Mitsubishi Electric PC Company's spinmeisters are abed in the vicinity of Birmingham, UK. The FT not being out in the UK yet, they snooze on blissfully unaware of what will detonate in a couple more hours. If it wasn't detonating in the boardrooms of Mitsubishi Japan already, that is. Dr Peter strides in, notes that the bosses are looking somewhat more scrutable than usual, and are holding copies of the Financial Times and pointing at the front page, which has Dr Peter quoted as closing a whole division without asking them first. What can he do? Something honourable but messy involving a Swiss Army knife? But we can't go on - we feel another helpless giggling fit coming on… As we've mentioned before, IBM's e-Business strategy plays in unexpected ways in parts of the UK where E stands most often for the drug Ecstasy. So we don't know what we should say about the German headline in the brochure for the E-Plus mobile system that says "Stars live bei E-Plus." You pronounce 'bei' buy, but that doesn't help really, does it? ®

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

More from The Register

next story
Facebook, Apple: LADIES! Why not FREEZE your EGGS? It's on the company!
No biological clockwatching when you work in Silicon Valley
'Cowardly, venomous trolls' threatened with TWO-YEAR sentences for menacing posts
UK government: 'Taking a stand against a baying cyber-mob'
Doctor Who's Flatline: Cool monsters, yes, but utterly limp subplots
We know what the Doctor does, stop going on about it already
Happiness economics is bollocks. Oh, UK.gov just adopted it? Er ...
Opportunity doesn't knock; it costs us instead
Arab States make play for greater government control of the internet
Nerds told to get lost in last-minute power grab bid at UN meeting
Zippy one-liners, broken promises: Doctor Who on the Orient Express
Series finally hits stride, but Clara's U-turn is baffling
Don't bother telling people if you lose their data, say Euro bods
You read that right – with the proviso that it's encrypted
Apple SILENCES Bose, YANKS headphones from stores
The, er, Beats go on after noise-cancelling spat
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.