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Register Awards of 1998

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As usual, judges from The Register met in a local hostelry just before Christmas to closely deliberate their choices for 1998. Spin Dottore of the Year UK PR company Text 100 wins this award for outstanding service to Microsoft. Text won this award against some tough PR competition, the judges said. In awarding Spin Dottore 1998, the judges said that the PR company had excelled itself by consistently not replying to telephone calls about its client, or, if it did so, leaving the answer for two weeks, whilst being well aware that The Register is a daily news service. Firefly came a close second on behalf of its client, the Compaq Corporation, but disgraced itself by actually attempting, and in some cases succeeding, to get personnel from the company to talk to staffers here. Loose Cannon of the Year This is a much sought after award by all PR companies. It is given to those individuals or companies which in the judges’ view were the most helpful, in terms of buying drinks as well as giving information, to journalists at The Register. The winner this year is Chaz Brookes Associates, which also receives a special rosette for services to Her Majesty’s Leader of the Opposition, William Hague. Man or Woman of the Year Last year, Compaq CEO Eckhard Pfeiffer won this prestigious award for services to the hairdressing industry. This year, we have no hesitation in naming Glynn Flower, who heads up the UK’s Year 2000 team, as the winner. Flower suggested that we should all get extra stocks of food in preparation for the 1 January 2000, in case every system in the country went pear-shaped. Great Satan of the Year The judges noted that some of the Great Satans had been particularly inactive in 1998. Cisco, for example, was not considered by the judges because it had not taken over enough companies. Intel was disqualified because it was too helpful in 1998. Dell came close to getting the award this year because of outstanding performance which unhinged its PC competitors. Hewlett Packard, the Great Satan of Printers, did not live up to its devilish performance in previous years. Without a doubt, it was Microsoft, the Great Stan of Software, which won the award. The judges took into consideration the FTC case, the introduction of Windows 98, and the re-naming of products to Win 2000 as the clinchers. Many congratulations! Up and Coming Great Satans The open source movement, with Linus Torvalds at its head, was the clear winner. Judges at The Register thought that the brazen way in which journalists wrote gratuitous stories about Linux into their headlines was a contributory factor. The use of a Great Auk as an emblem (the North Pole equivalent of a penguin, now dodoised), was also considered to be a particularly fine example of future success, while Torvalds joining chip company Transmeta was considered to be a master stroke. ®

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