Feeds

Doh! Homer Simpson sells out to Satanic Intel

Brain upgrade plan a very worrying development

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction

The Great Satan of Chips has lured Homer Simpson into one of its secret skunk operations and will "upgrade" his brain, the company said today. Simpson, who has in the past criticised both Intel and Microsoft, is to receive the ultimate insult to his IQ. This is all very intriguing. At the Intel Developer Forum some weeks ago, which The Register attended, a very senior Intel architect said that even given Moore's Law, Intel chips will not be able to deliver the power of the brain of a bumble-bee by the year 2012. According to Satanic sources, an advertisement which Intel will run on 8 November will show a perfectly good brain destroyed by corrupt surgeons. They will replace Homer's brain with a Pentium II complete with waffles and baffles. There are different kinds of intelligence, and the boffins at Intel are assuming in their advert that Homer is stupid. Simpsons creator Matt Groening said he was now several million dollars richer. Anyone who criticises both Intel and Microsoft cannot be that dumb. ® Click for more stories Click for story index

Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction

Whitepapers

Mobile application security study
Download this report to see the alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, as well as the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Securing web applications made simple and scalable
In this whitepaper learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.
Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.