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For weeks we here at The Register have been intending to write a story about Intel's vast consumption of toilet rolls. We repeatedly asked the question, given that there are 60,000 people or so working for the Great Stan. We were worried about pollution, given reports years ago by the Republic of California that there was something wrong, somewhere, with an aquifer. Ahem. We finally got the response, although it was from someone who used to work for Intel....Strong language follows...She said that Intel does not use toilet rolls. "We don't have time to crap at work so have to do it at home under the HomeShit(r)(tm) programme. If an employee can't wait, they have to send it by email."

The Department of Justice's difficulties in finding acceptable file formats under, er, current circumstances are well known. But the cunning method it's fastened on to make depositions public may turn out not to be the answer. Try it folks. Go to the DoJ site and take a look at Jim Barksdale's testimony. It's in Adobe Acrobat format. It's 127 pages long. You can get to it in smaller bits, and when (if?) you do, strewth, the text is all skewed to one side. These jokers are using Acrobat as a photocopier, fer crissakes... Hope their Web site melts down.

A journalist shuffles up morosely with a tale. "That Uri Geller must be short of money, you know." Why's that? It turns out Geller spammed (by snail mail) a bunch of UK pubs saying how great (fill in name of pub) was and how much he'd like to write for it. One mag, Computer Active, responded positively.

Our morose journalist received a letter thanking him for his column in Computer Active so far, but regretting that as the Mighty Bender was available, his services would have to be dispensed with. "I bent a crusty old coffee spoon in half, attached a note saying 'Can I have my column back now please,' and posted it to them. Haven't heard back yet."

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