We've only bunged this one in here cos the last thing on our mind is to panic people who have had PaceMakers fitted. Are they year 2000 compliant? The people who make them haven't come clean about the installed base nor whether they rely on some kind of CPU -- although they almost certainly use a timing chip. And on the same subject, Intel has come clean on the fact that anything prior to the Pentium is not Y2K compliant according to the vague and hazy definition...and the last update is that GPS will start to go wonky as from August next year so don't fly on anything (even paddle boats might use them -- and cars in Singapore).

In a cruel twist of fate, a games pirate was shopped to the Old Bill by his parrot. Trading standards officers were searching the suspect's house in South Wales for illegal material without success. Then Polly piped up and saved the day with: "Under the mattress!". When the officers checked, they found a stash of 200 pirated CD-ROMs. Police think the parrot picked up the phrase from hearing its owner tell contacts where the CDs were hidden.